So... It's Monday. It's been a while. Not got much better to do. How about a blog?
(PS It's not all moaning, I'm just illustrating my point)
I normally shroud the details of my life in vague statements like "something good happened" or whatever, but I think this post needs the details in order for you to appreciate what I am saying.
Ten days ago, I had open heart surgery. I won't get too gory, but they had to cut through my muscles and break my chest bone all the way down the middle. I am on painkillers 8 times a day and it usually still hurts. I have to wear this brace thing that resembles a corset but at least feels slightly more comfortable. I can't move my arms properly, to bend or reach, and cannot support any weight with them. I am writing this on a fairly small laptop but I am not allowed to pick it up for myself.
There are many practical consequences to this. I can't dress myself. On a good night I wake up 3-4 times and have about a 50% success rate of getting out of bed without help. Last night I went to the toilet and then couldn't pick up my trousers. Anything I drop on the floor, stays on the floor. I can't cut up my own food. In fact I usually can't even carry my own plate.
Aside from the muscle and bone issues, there's the fact that my heart itself is very sore and weak. After I do anything, the tiniest thing, I have to rest. Walking upstairs is the most strenuous thing I can do at the moment. It requires a stop in the middle and a ten-minute lie down to recover. I also have to wear sticky, itchy dressings over my wound that pull my skin if I stand too straight. I can have a shower every 4 days and a bath in 3 months' time.
On the other hand, I have just moved in with the man of my dreams. He is kind, gentle, patient and, most importantly, pursues God with a passion. He has a nice little house for me to live in, a car to take me places and enough wages that I don't have to panic about getting a job as soon as I'm better. We spend time together and just enjoy each other's company. He doesn't mind that I haven't worked out how to hug him yet and he has to be my carer for a while. We are getting married in 5 weeks and I couldn't be happier about it. He is fast becoming one of my best friends.
Two very different sets of circumstances and emotions, both happening together. It's a bit confusing. But the thing I've come to realise is, no matter what the circumstances, God is the same in all of them. God is here in my marriage and my happiness, but he is also here in my pain and, eventually, my healing. I have a lot to be thankful for, even if some of it feels difficult at the moment.
