I Have A Black Puppy

Ok so I'm cheating again. This is a Here's One I Made Earlier. I'm writing this on Sunday because I think on Monday morning I will need my sleep. In six months, this is the first time I have done this.

A few months ago, a friend introduced me to this very cool video of a book called I Had A Black Dog, which describes very well what it is like to live with depression. That is what I am going to talk about today. It's a topic I have largely avoided on this blog, but now seems the right time to tell you where I have come from.

Ten years ago, I had a very large black dog. He dominated all of my life. I couldn't do anything or go anywhere without the black dog going with me. He squashed me down until I couldn't remember who I was any more. There was no me without the blackness.

I stopped going to school and just stayed at home in bed all the time. I picked up some unhelpful coping strategies which - if I'm honest - only made things worse. It was like I had fallen into a big black pit that I couldn't climb out of. It all seemed hopeless and I considered taking my own life.

Then I met Jesus. And everything changed. Not straight away in some miraculous, instantaneous transformation. But gradually, over the next couple of years, the black dog got smaller and smaller and began to leave me alone for longer and longer periods of time. I found I could hold my head up again, begin to think about the future. That not everything was black and grey all around me. There were colours and sunshine. I remembered what 'happy' was.

Now I have to admit, it's not all plain sailing. The black dog still visits me from time to time, nibbling at my ankles and growling dark thoughts into my brain. But he's no longer the fearsome beast he once was. He's more like a puppy, jumping up to get your attention, but not yet big enough to push you over. And I'm learning not to feed him.

I think I will probably always have a black puppy. I grew up with him and the bad habits in my thought patterns are hard to kick. But I know it will never engulf me like it did before. And whenever I feel like I'm drowning in the sea of depression, I know I have a Lifesaver there ready to pull me out. God's hands will lift me to the stars.