It's been a hectic week. Back to work (hence the 5:00 alarm I ignored this morning), a manic rehearsal schedule, two performances barely 12 hours apart, not to mention the thing that I'm not going to mention (yes, I did that for dramatic effect).
And through it all, whether I wanted to talk to Him or not, God has been there.
I think that's the key difference between my struggles now and my struggles in the past. You can put it down to maturity, or better coping strategies, or a stronger support network, or whatever you like, really, but I know that it is the strength of God that gets me through.
All of that stuff helps, of course. I am hugely grateful to all my friends, both new and old, who have supported me in the past two weeks. But that is never going to be enough. If I leant wholly on you, I would only end up breaking your back as well as my own.
My brain is not really functioning this morning. By rights I should still be in bed. But I am trusting God to cobble together some sort of message from this series of random thoughts. Because I can't do it on my own. Sometimes I think I can manage, but I end up falling on my face. Today, at least, I am very aware of how much I need Him.
Yesterday in church I performed a signed song, and it is the words of that song that are on my mind this morning.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on Your shoulders
You raise me up, to more than I can be.
That's the fact of it. I couldn't be anything like the amazing, wonderful person that I am (oh yes, I know it today) without God raising me up to be that. It is in Him that I find my strength. I think it is good for me to go through troubled times, in order that I will rely more closely on Him.
But I wish it didn't have to be like that. I wish I were more obedient and less proud, so that I didn't think I could get by without Him in the good times. I know I need Him now, but how long will that last? How long before I feel secure and decide to step away? I am only human and that time will inevitably come. How great is His grace that He will catch me again, no matter how many times I fall.
If you are weak and broken, like I was last week, ask Him to come and restore you. The hands that crafted the universe are able (and willing!) to put you back together. No one, however desperate you may feel, is beyond repair.
If you are strong and standing tall, check what your feet are on. If you are on the rippled sand of the Good Times Beach Holiday, you will be soon washed away when the tide comes in. Instead, plant yourselves firmly on the unshakeable rock of Jesus Christ. In Him you will find true strength.
He has raised me up out of the dust, and from this vantage point that I can be and do things that I would not be capable of in my own strength. Long may I remember that it is in His power and might that I act.
Weak
made strong
by the Saviour's love.
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